Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
