She said her name was "party"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
