is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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