I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
