No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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