why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
