stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
