Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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