If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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