dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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