Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
