My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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