Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
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