Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
