This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
