There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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