Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
