I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
