Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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