me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Sext me about skeletons
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
