He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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