I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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