I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Randomize
