my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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