I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
