I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
