thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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