This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
