This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
