By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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