fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
