Need sex. Gaining weight.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
