Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
