my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
