your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
