Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
