Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize