i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
