you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
