She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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