your parents love me but you hate me
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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