I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
