oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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