im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
