My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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