They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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