went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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