he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
