shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
