yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
