Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
